The Heart of the Family
Family is defined in several different ways depending on the person asked. Many people define family as their immediate family and external family. Others define family as immediate family, external family and friends they have adopted as family. Depending on your definition of family you can be involved in several family dysfunctions. One dysfunction being addiction, many times when an intervention is needed for the addict most family members include everyone affected by the addiction. Everyone agrees to the involvement of the intervention with hopes of making a difference in the addict’s decision to get help. Initially, the loved one’s experience resistance from the addict through yelling, and cursing and manipulation in some way. This interaction ends with the addict storming out of the room threatening the loved one’s in some way and denying they are an addict. This leaves the loved one’s feeling hopeless and feeling like they did the wrong thing. Now the addiction and addict has become the heart of the family. Everyone is now focusing on the addiction but for different reasons. This addiction has become the focal point of everyone’s attention. The addict is trying to figure out how to get more and hide the amount they are using or that they are using at all. The loved one’s are trying to figure how to get the addict to stop using. The loved ones do not realize that although the addict is addicted to a substance the loved one is addicted to the addict. While the addict definitely needs to the help the loved ones yearn for them to receive, the loved one’s also need that help as well. Regardless of whether the addict receives the help or maintain their sobriety after receiving the help the loved one has to remain focused on healing from the hurt and pain the addiction has caused their family.
It is difficult to recognize the help needed for the loved one and often it is difficult to find. The difficulty is the inability to admit they are suffering from loving someone who is addicted to substances. Where there is unawareness or denial there is no recognition of change needed. Loved one’s have a difficult time asking for help because of the stigma and embarrassment attached to addiction. This leaves the loved ones to suffer in silence without support and without healing. Many loved one’s admit that this disease has caused them to become depressed and anxious which is a clear indication that something is unsettling and needs to be addressed.
Loved one’s there is help for you just as there is help for the addict. Just as invested as you are to find treatment for your loved one, treat yourself to that same investment. You deserve to stop hurting and suffering from a disease that is only yours by default. You no longer have to suffer alone because there’re are others suffering from this same disease.
