The Mourning Routine

When we lose someone, we enter a period of sadness and mourning. However, it is important to note there is internal grief and there is interpersonal grief. On an individual level, we can be left with lots of questions and a mixed bag of emotions. So how do you move through the grieving process? Well, for starters, allow yourself the space and time to mourn your loss. You cannot rush or put time limits on this process. It is also important to find a support network. This can be friends, family, or an actual support group. Do not be afraid to express and talk about your feelings. More importantly, if you cannot identify your feelings at first this is okay. Others find it helpful to find things belonging to their loved one that brings up good memories. This can help you begin to associate the object with positive thoughts, when you begin to feel sad. And, if your loved one left things behind, don’t feel rushed to get rid of their things (if possible). Take your time, if you can. As always, seek counseling for bereavement if it becomes necessary. 

Now how do you support someone else that’s grieving? First things first, making statements like “they are in a better place,” “you can always have more children,” or “it was just their time to go” seem helpful, but actually can do the opposite. When people are grieving, making cliché statements can actually give off the appearance that you don’t care. Secondly, allow the person space and time to grieve. Everyone grieves differently; so make sure you are not forcing your expectations on to them. Listen. Listen. Listen. Support. These are probably the most important parts for helping someone else who’s grieving. Especially in the early stages, be flexible with the person. For some time, they may be more sensitive and emotional to the things around them. Keep in mind their emotions and behavior aren’t personal and most of the time they want you to listen not advise.